有時(shí)候，尊嚴(yán)就像泡沫，隨時(shí)可能破滅。去年來(lái)到中國(guó)后，我經(jīng)歷了幾件很丟面子的事情。英國(guó)人給我這種倒霉不斷的人起了個(gè)名字 —— “沃利”（Wally是一個(gè)常見(jiàn)的英文名字，有“廢物，笨蛋”的意思）。

By DAVID BOGLE

Sometimes dignity feels like bubble waiting to be burst.
有時(shí)候，尊嚴(yán)就像泡沫，隨時(shí)可能破滅。

We Brits like that sort of thing - we love to see pompous characters having their treasured dignity destroyed.
我們英國(guó)人對(duì)此喜聞樂(lè)見(jiàn)——我們喜歡看到那些自視清高的人的寶貴尊嚴(yán)被摧毀。

My dad wasn't pompous. He was a kind, polite man but, like many of his generation, he was quite formal and well-mannered. He wore a tie even when he was digging the garden. His dignity was important to him.
我的父親身上沒(méi)有一絲傲氣，他是一個(gè)善良而有禮貌的紳士。和那一代的許多人一樣，他總是不茍言笑、彬彬有禮。即便是在花園鋤地，他也總是系著領(lǐng)帶。對(duì)他而言，尊嚴(yán)無(wú)比重要。

So when one of my mum's friends called to visit as he was watching TV, he knew it was his duty to stand up as a lady entered the room. Unfortunately, as he did so his trousers fell down around his ankles.
有一次，我媽媽的一位朋友打電話說(shuō)要來(lái)拜訪。她走進(jìn)屋子時(shí)，我父親正在看電視。他總是認(rèn)為，當(dāng)有女士到來(lái)時(shí)，自己應(yīng)該站起來(lái)以示尊重。不幸的是，就在他起身的那一刻，他的褲子掉到腳踝附近。

I can't remember how he reacted because I was temporarily blinded by tears of laughter - but it's a fair bet that he cringed at the thought of that incident for months, if not years, afterwards.
我不記得他當(dāng)時(shí)是如何反應(yīng)的，因?yàn)槲倚Φ醚蹨I汪汪——但我可以肯定，在幾個(gè)月、甚至是幾年之后，他仍會(huì)對(duì)這個(gè)意外感到難堪。

Since arriving in China last year I have had a couple of dignity-tarnishing incidents.
去年來(lái)到中國(guó)后，我經(jīng)歷了幾件很丟面子的事情。

Imagining a Chinese online bank account to be something like its British equivalent, I arranged to set one up. But when I was paid a month later, I couldn't access the account on my laptop.
我以為中國(guó)的網(wǎng)上銀行賬號(hào)功能和英國(guó)的類似，于是我開(kāi)通了一個(gè)賬號(hào)。但是一個(gè)月后，當(dāng)我準(zhǔn)備付款時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己無(wú)法從筆記本電腦上訪問(wèn)我的銀行帳戶。

So I contacted the ubiquitous "Chinese-speaking friend" and she agreed to take me to the bank to sort things out.
所以我聯(lián)系了一位隨叫隨到的“說(shuō)中國(guó)話的朋友”，她同意帶我去銀行解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題。

"Bring your documents and computer," she said.
“帶上你的證件和電腦。 ”她說(shuō)。

After doing a spot of grocery shopping, I popped my brand-new laptop into my swish new backpack and headed off to the bank.
我先去了雜貨店買了些東西，然后把嶄新的筆記本電腦放到我全新的時(shí)髦背包里，之后就去了銀行。

A small crowd gathered as my friend explained my predicament to bank officials and they asked to see my documents and computer. I unzipped my backpack, pulled out the laptop and found it was covered with a strange gooey mess that was dripping everywhere.
在我的朋友向銀行人員解釋我的困境時(shí)，有幾個(gè)銀行職員圍過(guò)來(lái)，要求查看我的證件和電腦。我拉開(kāi)背包拉鏈，拿出筆記本電腦，發(fā)現(xiàn)上面覆蓋著一個(gè)破碎的雞蛋，蛋液滴得到處都是。

I realized then that I hadn't removed a bag of eggs from my bag before putting the laptop in. As a large omelette formed on the floor and people rushed about with mops, I blushed with embarrassment.
我意識(shí)到，在把筆記本電腦放進(jìn)背包以前，有一袋雞蛋在里面沒(méi)有拿出來(lái)。地板上滴了一大片蛋液，好像在煎雞蛋餅一樣。人們拿著拖把沖了上去，我紅著臉，十分尷尬。

On another recent occasion, I got in the lift to my apartment with anattractive Australian lady. Feeling quite the urbane expatriate, I struck up a conversation with her during the elevator ride. We both got out and she headed for her apartment, which was opposite mine.
最近還有一次，我與一位迷人的澳大利亞女士一起乘坐公寓的電梯。在電梯間里我和她搭話，感覺(jué)自己真是個(gè)彬彬有禮、機(jī)智從容的外國(guó)人。我們一起下了電梯，她走向自己的公寓——就在我的對(duì)面。

"Oh, you're our new neighbor," she said.
“哦，你是我們的新鄰居?！彼f(shuō)。

I tried to unlock my door. They key wouldn't fit. No surprise really. Mr. Smooth had got out on the wrong floor.
我試圖打開(kāi)門。但鑰匙插不進(jìn)去。毫無(wú)意外，真的。這位彬彬有禮、機(jī)智從容的先生下錯(cuò)了樓層。

I wish I could forget one particularly horrible embarrassment.
有件特別尷尬的事我真希望我能忘記。

My wife, son and I were on holiday in Bulgaria.
我和妻子、兒子在保加利亞度假。

As we sat beside the hotel pool, life felt good. It was hot, sunny, I'd had a swim. As I reclined on my sun lounger, slightly tipsy, I was feeling quite pleased with myself. It was a lovely place to be. So very quiet, so tranquil.
我們坐在酒店泳池邊，感覺(jué)生活非常美好。天氣很熱，我剛游過(guò)泳。當(dāng)時(shí)我躺在太陽(yáng)椅上，微醺，感到很滿足。這里真是一個(gè)可愛(ài)的地方，如此寧?kù)o。

Then, during that quiet moment, without any effort on my part, I broke wind. Not quietly - it was the loudest sound of its type I'd ever heard. That anyone had ever heard, judging by the peals of laughter that rang out as a chuckling sea of international faces looked in my direction.
然后，丟臉的時(shí)刻來(lái)了。我放屁了，甚至沒(méi)有給身體任何阻止它的機(jī)會(huì)。不止如此，還是用我聽(tīng)過(guò)的最響亮的那種方式完成的?？赡軟](méi)有人聽(tīng)過(guò)如此響亮的聲音，周圍的人哄堂大笑，眾多國(guó)際友人笑呵呵地朝著我的方向看過(guò)來(lái)。

I was suntanned but there was still room on my face for an extra layer of crimson as I tried to remain nonchalant in the aftermath of the horror that had just occurred.
我在這恐怖的尷尬中努力裝成若無(wú)其事的樣子。我的皮膚早就曬成了古銅色，但顯然還是可以看出，我的臉變得通紅。

My family still tease me about it a decade or so later: "Even the Germans were laughing," they say.
十年之后，我的家人還在為這件事笑我，“連德國(guó)人都在笑。”他們笑道。

The Brits have a name for mishap-prone people like me. They are 'wallies'.
英國(guó)人給我這種倒霉不斷的人起了個(gè)名字 —— “沃利”（Wally是一個(gè)常見(jiàn)的英語(yǔ)名字，有“廢物，笨蛋”的意思）。

And now I'm the Great Wally of China.
現(xiàn)在，我成了中國(guó)的沃利。

Broadcaster：Greg Fountain

英文來(lái)源：“CHINA DAILY”微信公眾號(hào)
翻譯：魏千菡（中國(guó)日?qǐng)?bào)網(wǎng)愛(ài)新聞iNews譯者）
編審：丹妮 董靜
音頻編輯：焦?jié)?/p>

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